Skip to main content

Oops! I'm Too messed up!

Dear Abba, My Faithful God;

You said, "Go and sin no more!" Though my eyes could not meet Yours because of the shame that crippled me🙍. I started running the third time the cock crowed in denial of you yet You looked at me and said I was fit to be the rock upon which you would build your church😧. You threw a party just for me though I squandered everything😣. Swallowed by the sea to flee from You Yet you still wanted me to be your mouthpiece😲. You knew my history yet you still asked me for a drink from the well😭. Sold You for a little silver and a kiss yet even for me, you endured the cross😯. Killed a man to love his woman but you still looked at me and said I was a man after your own heart😧. How was it possible that losers like us would be the very people you chose to follow you and to spread your word?😕 I'd like to look in the mirror without hiding my eyes and I'd like to see what you see and why you think I am qualified? 🙇Why do fiery branches speak my name?😮

I am the thorn in your crown Daddy😩. The drops of vinegar they tried to give you😕. I am the nails they pierced into your flesh😭. I am he who shouted ''Give us Barabbas!''😣 I am Barabbas😧. Persecuted your own yet My God you saw it fit for me to testify about you as if I had met you when you walked the earth😕. Hung beside You while You took Your final breath because I was a thief but that did not hinder your love from me😭. You've been loving me since time began, You're behind my every second chance😐. I keep thinking there's a limit; sure I must be getting near it. When I've used up every pardon and regret😯. But You promise there is freedom. You've Gathered up the broken pieces and scattered them as far as East is from the West🙌

Give me the grace through the Holy Spirit to minister to a sinner like me reading this. Lord, do what only you can do in the hearts of men. Move as she and he reads this. Lord please move in the hearts of the people who have issues, addictions, secret desires, deep scars and some wounds that may be still healing. My heart is broken for the one person for who struggled to make it to church because they had a hangover. The one dying of guilt for watching another porn episode. The girl living with the guilt of abortion. The guy battling masturbation. The girl who woke up in her boyfriend's bed feeling guilty for the fifth time yet she vowed to remain pure for you. The low key weed addict in church. The alcoholic with bottles stacked up in the cardboard. The sex addict. The girl dealing with self esteem issues. For the woman who got tired of waiting for her King and dated a frog. For the depressed ones. For the person struggling to make it back to you God because of where they've been. Let it be that I'm just a vessel and not the main act; speak with Love Lord and use my vulnerability. Let none of my ideas shine in this post. Take center stage, I'm okay being in awe at your wisdom and presence backstage.  If there is anything good in me, It must be You. The God who stopped the sun and the moon for the love you had for your people. My God. You Are My God.

IF you're Reading This And,
Maybe just maybe you don't fit into any category of broken people. I'm sorry because you will be disappointed here. I'm truly sorry if this post does not fit into your idea of what Christians should talk about because I'm done pretending that we're the ones who have it all figured out. Long before my heart could run the risk, I was born for this. I continue to listen to people tell me their stories and it's a hurting world. For my misfit heroes, rebels, prodigals, the weak...I'm one of your own💗

Dear Beloved,
 1.Damaged goods ⏩⏩PRICELESS PIECE OF ART
Luke 7:36-50⇉ (Paraphrased and hyped) So, when Mary Magdalene walked into the room, everybody sneered 'mscheww!' 'smh!' 'nkt!'😒😂. I mean, what was a hooker doing in the presence of holiness and PHARISEES?😦 Who knows why they passed glances at each other! Could it be that she had slept with some of them and in their effort to HIDE their their own sin they highlighted her sinful life in an effort to woo Jesus to not listen to her?😒😃 Funny thing! Jesus knew all of that even that which was in their heads AND He was the only one who saw right into her heart🙌. She offered a sincere offering of herself and did what the men in that room had no humility to do;Wash His feet!🙇 He was not going to partake in their hypocrisy. After she was forgiven, that woman became an instrument for the kingdom of God. Imagine how chatty we women are and she could have possibly ran off to tell the girls twirling her hair like, '' Gurrrl💅 let me tell you something!🙌 I met a man like no other💃🙈. And no He was not a customer😒😄. He was the messiah!😍 and He forgave me all my sins! I am free! You can be free too!'' She must have told everyone that cared to listen😂. 

Jesus took damaged goods and turned them into vessels for His glory. God still loves you, regardless. Who won't God use? 😲This God that went as far as marrying off Gomer to Hosea?😮 The God who knew the woman at the well had had five husbands and counting and He was Still interested in her?😮 You're as valuable as you were before you woke up every day next to a stranger, before you got addicted to porn, before you repeated the same sin over and over again, before you had an abortion, before ANYTHING YOU DID! And no, I'm not afraid to say that out loud.

Here's the thing; There is no Grace without Truth. It's a tale of hard truth and absolutely ridiculous grace.  If I tell you only about the grace of God, I will be planting deception in your heart and cheapening the whole concept of grace which may be mistaken for the compromise of God's standards. Jesus became human full of grace and truth(John 1:14)  and to be like Him we must graciously accept the truth that convicts us and accept the grace he offers.

 Acts 3:19-20⏩⇉ Repent, then, and turn back, so that your sins may be wiped away, that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord, and that He may send Jesus, the Christ, who has been appointed for you.
That is the truth and God in His grace will forgive you. Get it? Un-Repented sin will keep you in that pit because the Devil who keeps a record of your wrongs can very well present that before God to accuse you (Revelation 12:10). Satan's most common work is to invent false accusations against those whose efforts tend to frustrate his designs. Satan is not in the business of letting you understand or believe who you are in Christ. Sin is sin love. Whether you Put make up on it,bury it, cover it with sheets, smooch it...It's still sin and it needs to be repented.

We have a savior to save us from the sin and you and I need repentance. Contrary to popular belief my love, repentance is not putting up a show with some drops of tears before God nor is it the harsh demand for the change of your behavior😒. You have not truly repented if you haven't had a change of mind towards your sin. The first thing you need to do in God's presence is to recognize that you are a sinner. Take it upon yourself to be honest and judge yourself according to God's holy standards, admit that you are not good and then change your attitude towards your sin.This is important because this change of mind makes you accept that you are nothing in yourself and you need the saving grace and forgiveness of God.

💃The Sound of Surviving💃
We overcome by the power of our testimony so after you repent, embrace your scars😉. Love your marks😍. Every mile mattered. Not one of your experiences was a waste and the world is ready to hear your story💪. Don't let anyone sing your song😉. Your bullet holes have been filled and healed with love and forgiveness. God has given you the gift of your testimony. Honey, there is a world out here that requires a rawness, a vulnerability and an honesty that is buried up in our church structures, our filters, our pretense and our hypocrisy😒. I desire to see more people come out and love oh love that they were once beggars outside the King's door and now they're with him at the table💃. Him looking at you like, ''Goodness child!😍I love you so much and I waited for you and for this day that you wouldn't be ashamed of my saving grace💙." 

The sound of surviving is us bearing the marks of the pieces of glass that cut through our flesh and being so proud because those are our little stars and badges of courage👏. It's us refusing to die on the hill of our addictions, bondage and strongholds💃. No! I'm sorry old me but I'm not unpacking my bags and dying miserably on this mountain of despair. I'm going to carry my praise reports everywhere I go💃. Honey, If you see me at the table with the other tribe of misfits, smile at me😎 and later we can join the angels and pop and rock on those streets of the city made of pure gold because I love me some dance💃(Our sofas have seen a lot😂) I don't think they dab in heaven though😂. Hopefully they bazokizo😂 I love you my amazing survivor😍💜. You don't need a stage to be anything God has called you to be. Please don't wait till you have the microphone to say a word😉. All you need is the sword of the spirit as your weapon💪. As usual, I am an email away → I'd love to hear your story. Group Bear Hug👭👬. Jesus is crazy about you Fam BAM! 💕 God's not done with you💙


  1. Thank you so much, this blog has lifted my soul.

  2. Thank you so much, this blog has lifted my soul.

  3. Oh my Lord!What can I say? This is beyond beyond! Your writing skill has oil on it. Doubtless. Anointed and you know it. This has blessed my heart tremendously. Sharing it everywhere!

    1. Thank you so much mama love. You're so kind to me. Also, for being an instrument in my life, I really appreciate and Thank God. And for cheering me from the front, thank you so much❤❤

  4. May the most high bless this young deep talented real and resourceful mind for making an endeavors to reach out to everyone silently struggling with what ever stuff your wrestling with

    1. Ameeen. I believe the Lord has heard your powerful prayer. It is for Him we do this. Thank you so much for speaking life. May God bless you abundantly.

  5. Am still absorbing this.The third paragraph and my eyes couldnt just hold it so i let them flow.Phenomenal.

    1. Thank you for reading all the way through Steven. You're a blessing.

  6. This was amazing and timely. Thanks.

    1. Thank you and God bless you Haggai. Unique name.

  7. I thank God for you girl. I bare the scars too. God's grace is amazing. Blessed be his holy name

  8. Wow! this blog is just amazing. i love to read your blog.
    Thank you for sharing out.
    relationship goals

  9. I appreciate you taking the time to read. Welcome to this safe space. God's blessings.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What I'm Learning From Quitting Social Media

I was lying on my bed one night feeling very fatigued. My head was aching, my back was in pain and my eyes were tired. I had spent all day on Instagram and Facebook and looking out for notifications from WhatsApp. Three weeks before this day, Someone had sent me my picture that had been posted on a famous Facebook group so I was curious to read the comments and to know why my picture was there (😂aki I was excited thrills). 
          The group membership is closed, so I sent a request to join and unknown to me that was the beginning of very late nights and tired mornings. I did find my picture but it was just someone who wanted to know where they could get their hair done like mine (😂which is literally just visitingthe barber). The Facebook group is an arena for all sorts of gossip and stories with a whooping 300,000 membership count (I know you've already filled the blanks😝). I remember reading the stories there and getting shocked to my stomach because t…

No to the return of The Toxic Ex-lover!

Pick up lines💭 Sigh! Boy oh boy!😃  I'm I the only one who receives very corny pick up lines? Like super corny I get hungry just thinking about it (see what I did there?😉) Once, a guy told me he thought I was so pretty I could make water come out of fossils👷. My oh wamae! Who even says that? 😒Can fossils and pretty co-exist in the same sentence, get married and live happily ever after? 💑❔The last time I heard about fossils was in History class when I was cramming that topic of Zinjanthropus and homo rhodensiensis (I'm not even sure that is academically correct but it makes me look like I earned that A in History KCSE👀...Heey Mr.Maido👋👋). Then someone reminds me of that horror experience through a pick up line? 😠There's another breed of homo sapiens sapiens(sorry I just had to do that😂😃) that somehow forgets most of the alphabets so their typical pick up line looks something like this (good luck decoding it)...''U R xo Dem kyute Jry. Luv ua …

While you are single...

"I want a man who is driving. He has to have a lot of money. He must have a nice house and a good job...!"(read in Slayqueesha's voice and put on an accent😂)
"Nataka dame m-lightskin. Sitaki dame hajui kuvaa. Dame lazima akue amebeba. Kitu safi..." (read in Brayo's voice....sorry if your name is Brian😉) 
This is the song of most millennials and centennials. Dating in the 21st century is an extreme sport. Seems like dating requirements are dwindled down to your level of attractiveness or how deep your pockets are. I'm sure you've heard that you (men) could be considered physically un-attractive but if you have money, you automatically become the most handsome man in the world😂. For us girls, our worth is reduced to the color of our skin and the size of our body extensions😒. 
Very few people want or have the desire to want to know others for exactly who they are. Our need for self gratification is worsening by the day and we want what we want exactly…